Surviving

I was so delighted to wake up this morning so well rested, having slept through the night, but by 9 am I was already in need of a nap. Cancer doesn’t stop for parenting, so when the boy needed a tooth pulled, my parents got to chauffeur and I came along for the ride for a little moral support (I’m not sure who needed it more).

I can already see how much quicker the symptoms have come on. I rested on the sofa, feeling stiff and tired, not interested in moving. At least I got some pet therapy. 

Eating has also quickly become a challenge. I had a protein drink, a juice, some jello, and I even tried some rice crackers, turkey, and rice pudding. It was a last ditch effort to eat something solid, my Hail Mary for food. I’ll need to stick to liquids going forward. 

I mustered some energy (with a few breaks) to make another delicious batch of shredded beets and carrots. Even though I didn’t eat it, being in the kitchen brings me life. My senses are heightened and I can figuratively taste what I’m making. The work of preparing food and the smells make me feel alive, even when I sadly can’t enjoy it. 

Finally I dragged myself to bed. I logged on to a Humor Beats Cancer event and listened to some funny stories from cancer survivors who have found a corner of joy in all of this frustration. I’ll find some humor in all of this eventually, but for now, I’m just working on the surviving part.