Reflection on Aging

This beautiful young woman is my grandmother more than 75 years ago. 

Unfortunately she does not remember taking this photo in her youth. Neither does she remember yesterday or even thirty minutes ago. It’s difficult to talk about her dementia because on the one hand it can be quite humorous, and on the other hand it can be incredibly sad and frustrating. 

For the past year and a half, my grandmother has lived in my house and my mother has cared for her on a daily basis. Being diagnosed with breast cancer has put undue stress on an already stressful situation of caretaking. I know how much my mother loves her mother, but I also know how much she loves me and wants to take care of me, too. 

So we made the difficult decision to move my grandmother to a nursing home where she will get the consistent care and medical attention she needs to get her through these foggy days. The transition is not without growing pains and takes some adjustment. But I also know that I will now have my mother selfishly to myself when I need her the most through these dark days ahead of me. It’s an awkward position to be in, to have to share her, and a stressful one for her to be sandwiched in this way. 

Yesterday was Yom Kippur, the holiest day in Judaism, and a day of reflection, repentance, and atonement. This is the day we brought my grandmother to the home, and I can’t help but reflect on the decision and repent for my own selfish desires. I know that God knows my needs right now and hears my prayers. I also know that He wants to take care of my mother’s health and well-being. I also know that God will continue to care for my grandmother as she nears 92 years old, and give us all the peace we need to live these days He’s given to us. Let it be so.