The Stages

I was reflecting today on the stages of grief. If you’re interested in a more scientific perspective and a discussion on way the “stages” discussion should disappear, check out this article here.

But for ease of use, I’m latching on to the stages because it makes sense to me right now. For those who don’t know, the original five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These are not stages you move through from one to the next or all of them either. Nonetheless it’s nice to give a name to my feelings. 

I have definitely experienced denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. I’d say I’m in that stage right now. I’ve been asking myself, why is this taking so long? When can I move on from this? I vacillate between anger and depression, wanting to know when I will finally reach acceptance.

I thought for a couple of days that I might have started to feel better, and then I didn’t. Today was no different.

I got a fresh haircut - thank you Theresa for coming through with the custom cut! Soon my hair will have grown out and I can have a real cut down.

Then we went as a family to Barnes & Noble. For months I’ve been missing out on family time because I haven’t been able to leave the house. We went in order for Dean to get his birthday treat, but as soon as we arrived I had to sit down in a chair because my stomach was hurting and I felt so sick. 

I’m glad I went out, but hated the struggle. I keep asking why, when, for how long? 

And then this happens. When I got home, there was a package waiting for me, a gift from a stranger with a big heart! Thank you Elizabeth for thinking of me, for encouraging me, for trying to cheer me up! You touched my heart and reminded me that I’m not alone on this arduous journey! Bless you! I look forward to reading the book; hopefully it inches me one step closer to acceptance.