Big Goals, Small Wins

I had to do something for my family. It was time to reciprocate for all of their help, so my mother took me food shopping. This was always my favorite activity of the week. Most people dreaded going to the supermarket, for me it was Shangri-La. Fun fact, I really like war movies, and Oliver Stone’s Vietnam movies are incredible. If you’ve ever seen his film Heaven & Earth, when the main character moves to the US, the first time she’s in a supermarket blows her away; she marvels at the excess and the access to so much food. I feel like that character every time I go food shopping, I marvel at the potential for amazing meals and the creativity afoot. 

But less so these days. I found myself crying a little in the freezer section, wishing I could eat. And it was hard, to walk around the store with such little fuel in my body. I was exhausted by the time I got back to the car. 

I crashed on the sofa, unable to do much more. However, I had big goals today. My biggest goal was to consume more calories. I spoke with the nutritionist and the gastroenterologist, and I discussed how badly I want to get better. She gave me suggestions for adding more calories. He upped my medication in the hopes it would give me the ability to eat more, and he suggested anti-nausea meds in case it could give me the courage to approach eating. 

So today I had two cups of broth, a baby food pouch, and a whole yogurt drink! While I couldn’t be out walking for very long today, I got more steps today than previous days, and while my stomach is in some pain right now, I’m proud of my efforts to eat more and hope to keep improving. Big goals - Small wins.