Crawling Along

My mom said “I feel so helpless, that I can’t do anything for you.” I said she is helping me in so many ways. But I understand. I feel just as helpless. I want so desperately to get better. 

I had high hopes for today. My first goal was to get dressed, which meant going upstairs. That took a lot of energy, so I crawled down the hallway like a cat, taking my time. Mission accomplished. 

My next goal was to set a timer and consume something every hour or so. Well, that was ambitious. My stomach wasn’t ready for that. I tried for almost two hours to eat a fruit cup but my stomach was so unhappy that I finally gave up. I continued to drink fluids and I ended the night with a cup of warm broth. 

Unfortunately because of Covid, my CT scan was postponed until next Friday, but I did get to speak with a hospital nutritionist today, so that worked in my favor. 

I joked with a friend that I feel like I’m in a bubble of despair, and she said it’s not a bubblegum bubble that people can just pop, it’s a plexiglass bubble. You can see me. But if you think I’m doing a victory shout, I am likely screaming out in anguish.