The Beginning of the Year

It should stand to reason that I would begin a new year just as I ended the old one…in pain. My former optimism would’ve hoped for a different outcome but my realism has set in. 

I have been clutching my stomach in pain all day. The same as I have been for weeks. Today we took down all of the Christmas decorations as we do every year on January 1st, but it took me a long time. I kept apologizing to Matt because I needed to take breaks, sitting down to rest and recover from just standing and moving around the house. I felt like an invalid. I felt lazy and good for nothing. I cried, actual tears this time, because my stomach was so hungry, I just wanted to eat. It reminds me of those feelings during chemo when I was wasting away and could only sip a juice or protein drink. Now I can’t even do that, everything hurts me. The most I’ve had is maybe a soup a day, warm broth feels the best, and that’s not saying much. 

So much for the motto - new year, new me. I’m just happy to have my tears back.