Need Strength

3 am. I lay on the bathroom floor half naked on a pile of towels like a feral dog. Trying to sleep. Trying to vomit. After 45 mins I give up and crawl back to bed, exhausted. I sleep for 4 hours. I finally awake to the feeling…shuffle down the hall, fill the bag, brush teeth. 

Sweating, crying, urging. I need this to be over already. I don’t know what day it is, what time it is. Everything just swirls around me. 

I finally make it to the sofa. No food in my belly, just liquids. My mom boils a potato. Thank you mom! It doesn’t hurt to eat. I feel settled and watch tv. I get sweaty, it’s coming. I hobble to the bathroom. Nothing. 

I decide to shower off the sweat and tears. So painful. Everything hurts. I crawl back into bed, start falling into a nap but I’m awakened by the hurl. Hustle back to the bathroom, into the bag. Something but not everything. Utter exhaustion. The battle continues. I need this to be over. I need strength. Please pray for me.