Day 6 - The Postponement

I had a limited amount of energy last night, I thought I was turning a corner. After I showered, I took the anti-nausea pill just in case. Except that when I returned to my chair, I felt dizzy again and my stomach grumbled. I could not lean on either side before I started vomiting again. So I had to position myself sitting fully upright to sleep! I was so angry! 

I woke up this morning in a groggy, half-asleep, half-awake state. What an awful way to try and recover. I feel like I’m in some sort of military sleep deprivation experiment. I was still waiting to hear from the surgeon’s office and by mid-morning they called me. Their advice was think about it and decide this afternoon. 

After I got off the phone, I had pretty much decided I would just go ahead with the surgery, to get it over with. However, I attempted to take a short nap, and when I woke up, the room was spinning and my stomach turned over. I started heaving again. That’s when another nurse called me and I was in my worst state, sweating, heavy breathing, holding back the vomit… she said, the bottom line is, this surgery is elective, I can do it when I want. And if I already don’t feel well, it certainly won’t aid in my recovery to be so sick before having surgery. I do need to have the surgery, to have the thymoma removed. It will eventually grow back and continue to grow. But for now, I will postpone it for a month, to live out this virus that is attacking me, and get stronger for the next time. 

Please continue to pray for me. Not only am I angry and frustrated about being sick, and that it’s interfered with my already troubled health and surgery, but it’s also gotten in the way of my time with family and friends, and it’s taken me away from my life duties, like home and school. I can’t stop crying …how much am I going to keep losing?!