Rinse and Repeat

Today was like all the other days.  Headache, ice, massage, rest. Rinse and repeat. I added some pet therapy to the equation. 

I also added a meeting with my dietitian. We talked about the progress I've made throughout this whole experience and how to keep moving forward.  She and I have been meeting since before my diagnosis.  At the time, I turned to her for ways to make better food choices, particularly around binge eating. But she has been a light on this path, guiding me through my chemo eating troubles and helping me make important connections between food, emotions, stress, and peace. Today I talked about how frustrated I am about not having my taste buds back and having near constant stomachaches since Friday and how this experience has been teaching me big lessons, such as, I don't need that much food and I don't have to be sad about it, that I won't be able to go back to the person I was before cancer and that's okay, that the fears that I have around reoccurrence, weight gain, lymphedema, etc. are perfectly rational fears but I don't have to live in fear... 

So my homework today was (1) spend time in my journal processing my feelings, (2) extend grace to myself because this isn't a little thing to go through, and (3) give myself short term goals around food, I don't have to plan for forever.

Thank you Heather. This is my small and satisfying dinner - BBQ salmon, rice with quinoa, and broccoli. Now I will go and write and cry...