Scary Stuff

If you’ve ever passed out before, you know how scary it can be. I’ve had the “privilege” of passing out twice before. The first time I was visiting my mom in the hospital and the orange juice and crackers I had for breakfast did not settle well in my stomach. It started with a little bit of tummy pain, then I started sweating. A nurse came in and said I looked pale, I jokingly said that’s just my normal color! I sat down in a chair and started to phase out, I didn’t even realize what had happened. I woke up to my aunt feverishly trying to get my coat off and a nurse patting down my head with a washcloth. My poor mother laying in a bed, unable to come to my rescue, had to witness this whole kerfuffle. After I vomited, I felt much better, but super tired. That was the first time. 

The second time, I went to get a super minor procedure done. It was when I was trying to conceive and wanted to be sure there were no obstructions. It’s simple, you lay down, they fill you up with a liquid (down there) and take an x-ray. No problem. But as soon as the doctor said “you’re going to feel some pressure in your abdomen” the feeling came on. The heat started to rise from my toes like a dark blanket covering me. I said very clearly, “I think I’m going to pass out” and sure enough…I was awakened to nurses using smelling salts and something called a chest punch (they basically jab your sternum with their fingers). I apologized profusely, saying that I had fallen asleep and was dreaming. They called Matt to come and get me (we only had one car at the time so he ran two miles to my rescue!). Again, I vomited and then felt better but super tired the rest of the day, like I’d run a marathon.

Fast forward to that time after a car accident, after the adrenaline had worn off, and the shock began to set in, it started to happen again. We were in the kitchen and my mom was fanning me, scared because I said I couldn’t see, the tunnel vision was happening and I almost passed out again. But I came out of it.

I’ve had other close calls like this. And this morning came another one. I woke at 6 am to use the bathroom. The ache in my abdomen was throbbing, trying hard to process what little food I’ve eaten along with the chemicals. My short torso leaves me no wiggle room for pain, so the ache is pervasive and affects my whole body. Then it started. The heat rising from my toes, coming over me like a dark blanket, the sweating, the tunnel vision. I was fanning myself, praying it would pass, praying it would go away, but I was getting scared. I turned on the lights but I could barely see, like it was nighttime. If I didn’t act on this, I was going to crash on the floor. Finally I got myself up and threw myself on the hallway floor. I raised my legs up against the wall to get the blood to my head as quickly as possible.  I came out of it! I came out of it!! I was so relieved! I survived this terrifying moment! There I was lying on the ground, recovering from this moment, so grateful that I came out of it! I probably fell asleep on the floor for 5-10 minutes, exhausted by the effort it took to go through that. Then I slowly made my way back to my bed and slept for another three hours! 

The medical term is vasovagal syncope, and I don’t know why it happens to me. Abdominal pressure, pain, fear, low blood pressure?  It’s just scary and makes everything else I do just a little bit scarier. I don’t want to cause a fuss or frighten anyone, so I worry about when it will happen again. 

But for now, I will celebrate that small/big win. I lay here in bed, the worst of my days, feeling like I have the flu, weak and tired, hoping for more wins like that. I don’t want to do scary stuff, I'm tired of doing scary stuff. Hang in there Laurie, more scary stuff is headed your way.