World Cancer Day

Welcome to World Cancer Day. I didn’t even know that was a thing to be honest, however I shouldn’t be surprised. There’s a day for everything, including French fries (7/13) and teddy bears (10/27). I would much rather have French fries and teddy bears than cancer, that’s for sure. But we don’t always get to pick these things. Here I am eight months after my diagnosis and I still don’t recognize myself. I look in the mirror and I’m a stranger to myself. My face, my hair, my body are all completely foreign to me. My lifestyle, my behaviors, my diet are also completely foreign to me.

So many people use the “battle” metaphor when talking about cancer, but I appreciate the way this oncologist frames it - 

“Cancer is not a war. It’s not a battle to be won. Cancer is a disease that plays by its own rules and does not always respond the way it is supposed to.…Unfortunately, cancer is not an opponent that can stomped out by sheer will, determination or persistence.” -Dr. Shikha Jain, Scientific American

I agree with her opinion piece and I encourage you to read it. By framing it in light of a battle, you have to constantly be fighting, which can be exhausting. I’ve already lived a life on high alert with my cortisol levels through the roof, I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly running from a bear. But it also puts the onus on the patient, as if the only way you get better is if you fight, and if you get worse, then clearly you didn’t do your part well enough. 

I just want to focus on living, and living the best way I can right now. For me, that means trying to consume more calories, try incorporating new foods, and take gentle care of myself through radiation, gastroparesis, and continued cancer treatments. 

Today was my first day out of the house in months (outside of errands and appointments). I went to Dean’s squash tournament to support him and I was so glad I could be there for him since I haven’t seen him play since the summer. And then we went to a Princeton basketball game as a family, something I’ve been missing out on for many months, making memories with my family. This is living right now. I’m not in a battle, I’m trying to live my best life! Happy World Cancer Day!