Radiation #2

This morning started with a therapy session. We moved it earlier to fit with my new radiation schedule. This time I got very real with her. I found myself crying about food, about feeling hopeless, about wishing I knew what all of this was for, and how long it would last. It was good to let it out, I haven't been able to do that in a while. I'm not sure if it's because I need to keep my head on straight or I just haven't had the proper outlet for it. I find myself crying in unexpected places - like when I went for my radiation simulation. I took a seat to rest before getting on the platform and started crying before the nurses. I told them I was just so hungry and tired. It was a relief to cry...but why can't it be in front of the tv like I did in my early twenties watching tearjerker dramas like E.R.?

Radiation number two was much quicker. Tug the blanket, move me into place (while the creepy machine follows me), and zap zap, I was done in 15 minutes. I did ask the technician if some people feel the radiation and he said sure, sometimes, like a tingling feeling. Yep, that's me, I can actually feel the zap zap. Fascinating. Only 18 more to go!

I was going through some papers and came across some prints I purchased from Britchida, this incredible artist with a beautiful insight into human emotions. This one resonated with me today - 

- my injury (cancer) feels so small in comparison to the pain I've experienced through it, and it continues to ripple each day. I look forward to when it will fade away like clouds on a windy day and become a distant memory for me, and I will be able to tell people about that time...